Money can be a significant source of stress in a relationship, especially for couples just starting out. This can be for a few reasons:
We’re often attracted to qualities in another person that we lack in ourselves.
We don’t learn to talk about money, especially when those conversations become emotional.
Financial challenges are growing along with the wage and earning gap and rising costs of basic needs like food and housing.
If you are experiencing difficulties, the following can help.
Focus on the value you each bring to the relationship. When you highlight and appreciate individual strengths and qualities, you build trust and respect in your partnership. Money is just one resource that helps the partnership thrive. What that looks like may vary regarding earning, saving, giving, or spending. The goal is to find balance not just for your bank account, but for life in general.
Attend to the relationship. Just like tending to a garden, your body, or your children, tending to your relationship takes time and attention. This includes communication of wants and needs, deep listening, and doing what’s possible to support one another. If you don’t have a plan for nurturing your relationship, it can wither, no matter your financial situation.
Develop a strategy to talk about money. If it’s currently stressful to talk about money, ask one another where you can agree on the goal of reducing that stress. Is this something we want to continue to struggle with? How valuable might it be to be able to talk about money productively? What might we each need to feel more comfortable? What does love look like here?
Money Dates are a powerful way to exercise each of these practices. If you want to learn more about them and get some advice from money relationship expert, Cindy Morgan-Jaffe, invest in our Positive Money Date Guide and Instruction Video.
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